2020’s been a very difficult year for me.
I know that it’s also been a very difficult year for everyone with everything that’s been happening in the world. But, specially in this year, many things happened to me.
I lost my job at the beginning of the year. I hated that job so much because it deteriorated my health so much, so I felt kinda relieved. I felt like I could finally follow my goals: I started giving private English lessons, and working on a project with two of my best friends.
By February, everything seemed perfect. Until, the bad news stroke me again. After I accidentally read some messages, I broke up with my boyfriend whom I dated for almost 2 years. It was a big shock to me because I genuinely thought we loved each other, and that nothing could come between us.
I knew I needed a change, which started with a makeover, and then ended up with a gym membership and hours, and hours full of meditation. Trying to understand that what happened wasn’t my fault. That I gave everything I could. That I can’t control someone else’s feelings for me no matter what I do.
By March I continued teaching, decided to start meeting new people, going out with my friends, and just having fun. Out of the blue and unexpectedly, I met someone who made me feel valued and appreciated just the way I am. I knew it was fast. But I felt something so pure that I can’t express with words. So, I took the risk to fall in love again.
The quarantine came up. I had to stop giving classes, so I didn’t have money to pay for rent and expenses. I didn’t have a place to go, so this person offered me to stay with him during this rough time. I accepted. We had a chance to meet in a really complicated circumstance, and I think that’s what makes our relationship more special. We’ve learnt to accept ourselves through the rough times, so I feel like, when better times come, we’ll be able to handle it and enjoy even more.
He currently works in a hospital to provide for his family and me, because as I mentioned, I haven’t been able to work as a teacher since the quarantine started. During this time, I’ve gotten some tasks to work on here and there, but I don’t really have any stable income. My panorama isn’t the best and many things have come my way, but somehow, I feel happy in my own way.
There are days in which I really don’t feel like doing anything, I just want to lie down, watch Netflix, relax, and just rest.
Other days I feel kind of motivated and energized, so I try to do small things like coloring, writing, designing, singing, doing TikToks that I never end up posting, washing the dishes, looking for recipes to bake… even the tiniest things make me feel a little bit productive.
Today I took some time to meditate about what this year has brought me, and I’m really grateful for everything. Even though I endured many difficulties, I’ve learnt so much about them, and I feel stronger and happier now.
I’m ready to say goodbye to what I’ve left behind and to say hello to everything that’s coming to me day by day. I hope that in the following months everything stabilizes for everyone, and that we can overcome any obstacle we’re passing through, stronger than ever, and with many lessons learned.
I’m grateful for yesterday, and I’m leaving it behind. I’m grateful for today, and I’m enjoying all the experiences I get to live.
I’m hopeful for tomorrow, but I’m not letting myself lose my present thinking about something that’s not sure to happen. All my dreams and goals are on standby now, and that’s okay. There’s no rush; I’ll just take it one day at a time. It doesn’t matter if I don’t do anything today or if I need a break. Eventually, I’ll get there.
So, is 2020 the worst year ever? I’d say no, because this year has made me grow as a person, I wouldn’t change anything that happened to me if I could. All the lessons learned and experiences made me who I am today, and I’m proud of it.