My rainy reflection

What may be bad for us, might be a blessing for others.

After a long night sleep I opened my eyes. As I heard the noise of the rain, I looked outside my window and I stared at the raindrops falling down. I started getting ready to work as I saw the gloomy scenario in front of me, and I thought about the destruction this beautiful phenomenon brings to many people.

In that moment I noticed that was going to be a very reflexive day for me; that’s the effect the rain has in me.

Rain = Destruction?

For the people who don’t have a home rainy days are hard because they don’t have a place to protect themselves and their families from the cold breezy weather. The people who are fortunate enough to have a home and a car to drive themselves normally complain about the traffic jams, the puddles, or about littering their house floors with mud. The people who have to walk miles and miles to get to work feel frustrated, getting wet trying to find an Uber, taxi or bus to get closer, while they notice that, due to the bad weather, all the drivers are full and the fees are higher.

Those are situations I see every day in the city I live in, and some of them are struggles I actually have experienced. I thought about all the possibilities to arrive to work on time and left the house.

Rain = Thrive?

About 20 minutes passed and as I was crying looking at my phone screen for a while, waiting for an uber to accept my ride (2 drivers had cancelled on me by this moment) I started thinking about the families that depend on agriculture. The last few weeks had been very hot and dry, so it may have been hard for them to take care of their plants and their lands. In that same moment I was crying, the plants and those families were thankful for the rain.

Rain is uncontrollable, what you can control is what you do out of it

And then it hit me. I thought to myself: “When did I start looking at the rain as something negative?”. When I was little I would get excited by the rain, I would go to jump in the puddles, I would get excited by feeling the cool raindrops falling down my face. In those moments, in my childhood, I would be very happy, just experiencing, appreciating, and loving the small details of life. I started my day very frustrated by the rain, because I didn’t want to get wet while trying to find an uber to drive me to work. And I thought: “Why can’t I just enjoy this moment?”. So I stood there, for a minute, only feeling the raindrops falling over me. And that’s the moment I knew how much I was missing the contact with the world around me. That I’ve been so focused on myself, without looking around. I hadn’t been open to just feel and enjoy the small treasures in life.

I started to relax and just accepting that what was happening was what had to be. I even started to feel better, and as the rain started to calm down, I finally found an uber that could take me to work! I would be late anyways, so I just accepted it and let it go. To my surprise, when I arrived, most of my coworkers weren’t there due to traffic jams and accidents. In the end I noticed that, if I had been stressing out over the fact that I would be late to work I would have lost the opportunity to enjoy a few minutes dancing in the rain.

In times of trouble, the only thing you can control is how much you let it affect you

About 20 minutes later, most of my coworkers arrived and everyone looked like a mess. They were all dirty and wet, but mostly, they seemed upset. While I was calmly working on my computer I thought “I think we all need to chill and just start enjoying what life brings to us”.

When we grow up, we tend to lose the sense of wonder we had as kids, and thinking about it, it’s one of the best qualities a person can have. Being curious, joyful and in contact with the world around you. One of the most important lessons of mindfulness is to focus on what is actually happening, and living every minute as if it was the last one. Because you don’t know if you have the future guaranteed.  

Rain = opportunity?

Experiences like the rain can be bad for many people. But there are opportunities to do something good out of it, too. I was so glad to see people in my hometown publishing they had rooms and beds available in their houses for the people that had to be evacuated from their homes by the floods, and for the people who don’t have a home.

Behind the destruction and suffering, there’s an opportunity to do something good, and make a positive impact in someone else’s life.

Even the smallest of things create a big impact.

“What may be bad, could be a blessing for others; and from every bad experience, there’s a good action you can do”.

Adulting is hard

My in-laws are cup obsessed. They have a lot of cups in different colors, sizes and with different phrases on them. One of them says: Adulting is hard. 

At first, I thought it was funny, but thinking about it I feel like it is true. While growing up you have to make big decisions, work towards your goals, and start walking your own path.

In the process, there are many things you will lose, including people

One of the hardest things I have done in my life was deciding to leave my mother’s and grandparent’s (from my mom’s side) house. We are not in the best of terms now, and on the way I lost my beloved brother and cousin, and during these past few weeks it has hit me harder than ever.

I left because they couldn’t accept me for who I really am. Everything is about what they want. They don’t care about my dreams, goals, and aspirations I have for myself. They weren’t supportive of anything I wanted in general; I had no freedom to choose simple things as: my style, my job, my religion, my music, my activities, my studies, my points of view, if I want to date or not, who to date, my friends, hobbies, and many more.

The day I left I questioned them about all of those things. They just said “if you don’t like it, just go”, which is what I did. The only thing I ever asked for was the opportunity to prove myself.

Sometimes I ask myself: was it the right decision? Am I even going to make it? Will the sacrifice I did be worth it?

Sometimes I think: “It’s gonna be okay, I will make it”.

Sometimes I see all the support I have from my dad’s family, my boyfriend and my in-laws and feel loved.

Sometimes I feel like I’m missing something.

It’s during times like this that I start to question everything I’ve done, all my plans, and my priorities. During these days I lived in the darkness I wrote a poem expressing exactly how I’ve been feeling.

 

I’m sorry for breaking your heart
Sorry for leaving your house
And for living my life
The way that I want

I’m sorry for letting you down
For not meeting your expectations
For choosing this path that I found
For taking the risk to follow my heart

I’m sorry, I’m not perfect
I’m not who I am supposed to be
A perfect daughter is what you expect
Sorry, that’s not me

Please understand
I can’t be perfect
Please understand
I have to go my own way

The real me is thriving
I’m getting closer to myself
I hope one day you understand
That this was the best I could make

I hope to see you once again
Maybe not today, or tomorrow
But at least one last time
So we don’t live in sorrow

I want to tell you these words
And want you to know that
I still think about you
Even though we are apart

I send you strength and love
And I hope you are alright
You remain in my thoughts
Every day and every night

I will always find a way
To let you know I’m okay
I want you to be happy
I want you to feel calm

Even though you’ve hurt me
I still love you
You’re a part of me
I will never forget

I hope one day you accept
Who I really am
And I hope you would say
“I’m proud” at least once

 

The truth is: If I want to make them proud all the time, I won’t be true to myself. Right now, what matters the most to me is: Finding myself, my journey and working towards my goals to grow both personally and professionally. If I made this decision was to improve myself and to be better.

This period of darkness I just got out of has made me stronger. And my message for you today is: Do what makes you happy, and follow the dreams you are extremely sure of and passionate about. 

 

The beginning of this journey

Featured in this post you will find a photo of myself with my natural look. Even though I loved my curls, I can assure you that taking this risk was one of the best decisions I could have taken until this moment.

The reason? The RedheadJourney was born.

You may ask yourself: Why The Redhead Journey?

The Redhead Journey was born as a need of change.

Last year I went through difficult times, and I desperately needed a change. At first, it started as a makeover. But then it involved all areas of my life. Since that moment of personal realization and understanding, I knew that this is what life is all about. A journey of changes.

My red hair gave me more confidence in myself, like I finally was the real me. I felt like my old look was a mask trying to cover up who I really was, and now I could be who I wanted to, the girl I have always been inside but was hiding.

The Redhead Journey represents a new beginning, a life full of adventures, changes, ups and downs. That’s what makes life perfect in its own way. I lived 22 years of my life in a way that didn’t seem personal or real to me, just to pay respect and make other people happy, starting with my family. Now, life for me is all about taking risks, following my dreams, and overall, doing what makes me happy.